Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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