Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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