i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
