please come you make the beer taste better
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
