our cab driver is having phone sex.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
