I just saw a hot homeless man
are you so shy because you have an std?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
