He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
