You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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