i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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