god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
