You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
