just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
