I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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