I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
