dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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