On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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