yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
