$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize