oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
