that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like eating out sand paper
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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