Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
