...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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