Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
