After last night, I could never be a politician.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
