ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
