Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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