Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
