just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
