about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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