Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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