Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
