Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
