are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
