Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
