Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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