I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
