I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
