Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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