How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
