I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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