'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize