So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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