so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
