Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
