So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize