I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
