I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
