There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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