I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
