Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
