Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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