I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize