It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
