just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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