And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
