WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
