i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize