Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
