I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
