You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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