Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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