best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
