I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
