I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
