i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
