yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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