this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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