I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
