i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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