So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
