I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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