If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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