Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
