If i come over, it means nothing
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
