I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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