Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
