I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
