my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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