I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
