You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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