It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
