Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we made out on top of his cat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
