forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
