is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
40s are totally the cure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
