Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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