those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
