I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
