I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
