I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
