Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Even my vagina gasped.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
