making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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