Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Alive.
So much puke
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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