please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
