Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
