She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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