I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
