I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
