I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
