I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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