dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
