you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
