I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
