You really coming over, don't trick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's paint friendship bongs
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
