help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
