Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
