So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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