Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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