A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
