I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
