Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish my penis had a tongue
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vagina is officially offended.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
