Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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