Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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