I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
