Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
