i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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